Congrats, You're Pregnant!
by SpellboundWinter
Summary: I like thinking about intimacy. I'm not promiscuous but I enjoy contact of other people. Simple touching evokes so many emotions. But who knew kissing can get you pregnant? I didn't! TweekxRebecca
1. Chapter 1

**A two parter! :)**

* * *

><p>I like thinking about intimacy.<p>

I'm not a slut or anything but I enjoy contact of other people. That type of closeness that you can share with anyone but… you want to share with a certain someone.

My certain someone was Tweek.

It was like I was a sheep in wolf's clothing. I often tried to seem like the knowledgeable one. My mother always said, 'people who are more intelligent often lack common sense'. And I admit, there's still a lot I don't know. With age comes knowledge and yet I know so little.

Feelings especially.

Why did I feel this way? Why was I so attracted to Tweek? It was like little jellyfish swimming around in my stomach… making me feel good and flighty.

I kept thinking back on him… We we're sitting against the building where the local anxiety group meetings were held. That's where we initially met and since our parents were often late to pick us up, we talked a lot. We held hands. We were close. You couldn't find one without the other.

I remember them… His hands were larger than mine. His fingers were long and stringy and they curled around mine awkwardly. Like two puzzle pieces with frayed edges. I was certain he had a form of Marfan syndrome.

But I'm getting off topic.

We shared a closeness that I enjoyed.

We knew each other for a few months… We would often see each other for a bite to eat or a little walk around South Park and sometimes the occasional surprise visit where he worked. And I guess that's all it takes for someone to feel this way… To want to be this close to someone.

I remembered, I was resting against the scratchy brick, my nose stuck a book about the brain. Why? Just because, I suppose.

"Hey Rebecca, what's that?" A certain voice rang out, his breath tickling my neck and my body erupted in nervous shivers.

Tweek scooted in close, nibbling at his cuticles and jittering ever so often. "I-I… I'm doing some reading on neurological pathways. P-a-t-h-w-a-y-s. The brain… I-I like it."

"Oh, uh…Y-you like psychology?" Tweek made an uneasy noise, "Like a therapist?"

I rolled my eyes at the mere mention of the 'P' word. I hate it for more obvious reasons. A certain Freud character and a few founders of the 'P' word really annoy me. "N-not mumbo-jumbo. The actual brain. Pink and squishy. P-i-n-k."

We sat there in the silence. He smelled like coffee. Everything about him was the dark beverage. Tweek was often covered in coffee stains. But that didn't make him any less attractive to me. It made me admire the twitchy, jerky guy more.

Maybe the whole reason he acted the way he did was because of the caffeine? I flipped a page and I could hear his teeth click together as he chewed at the skin on his thumb.

…Or not. Maybe he was strange like I was.

"Hey Becks," he started, inquiringly. "Why do you spelling things all the time?"

"S-spelling?" I set down the textbook, glancing at Tweek. I was almost baffled. _Almost_. Half the time I forgot about the quirk. "A nervous tic, I suppose. A perk is that… I-I can spell anything. Give me a word. And I'm sure I can spell it."

He scooted even closer and his eyes lit up. "Coffee?"

I stifled a snort at his antics. And mother said boys have only one thing on their mind, it was true! It was the only thing on his mind. "Coffee," I repeated the word in my hands. With eyes clamped tightly, I whispered out letters, "C-o-f-f-e-e."

He still seemed puzzled. Tweek muttered, "Oh… It's better than what I could ever do."

"Some take up painting or writing. I love spelling. It's my favoritest of hobbies-" I felt his hands grasp my textbook, dragging it away from my face, cutting me off.

He was sweet and something about him really stirred a lot around in my stomach. It was feelings I didn't understand. It was like a bunch of jellyfish or, not to be clichéd, but butterflies in a whorl in my guts.

Closeness felt good. Great even.

Tweek's nose brushed mine as he spelt slowly, "K-i-s-s?"

"Y-e-s." as soon as I spelt it, his lips crashed into mine and I-

…

I was interrupted from my thoughts as Tammy snapped her gum, sprawled out on the couch in Lizzy's lap. I held my lips with a flush. I should have concentrated on my college syllabus but I was too busy thinking about the twitchy blonde.

Another new year of college and nothing out of the ordinary…

Lizzy, Tammy and I decided to 'crash' at Henrietta's house. She had gotten plumper lately; actually, she was close to popping! Don't tell anyone but she's pregnant… If it isn't already obvious.

Can you believe it? Twenty-three and Henrietta was sporting a baby bump. I think I read somewhere that a pack of lionesses estrogen levels rise when a female in their group gets pregnant and they will try to conceive as well.

…Or at least I thought I read it somewhere. Don't quote me on that.

The Goth was occasionally rubbing her stomach while Lizzy flipped through channels, all the while letting Tammy drape over the two.

These are my friends.

We're an unwanted bunch, stereotypes abroad.

A slut, a nerd, a lesbian and a Goth. How appropriate.

A vibration echoed from the pink parka's pocket. Lizzy whipped out her phone with a smile, pressing a few buttons. And then, the slut picked up the smell of a boy.

Tammy nearly flung herself upwards and into Henrietta's jaw. "Oooh, is that Han Solo? Are you two shacking up yet?"

Something about the conversation interested me. I took my eyes off the syllabus to the three on the couch.

Lizzy reached a hand out to Tammy's face, pushing her back roughly. "Dude, I'm his Chewbacca. Han Solo's bro. Even if I was having sex with him, I wouldn't be telling _you_."

Her being the oldest of the group… I never looked up to the brunette. She was the least mature and the most obnoxious. What she thought always came flying out of her mouth.

"Is nobody getting any?" she bellowed, calling out to the skies dramatically.

Suddenly, all eyes seemed to fall on Henrietta. She still dressed the same, maybe a bit turned down with her blackish shawl wrapped tightly around her shoulders and the absence of most of her makeup. The woman glanced at all of us before clicking her tongue. "Fucking conformists… I'm pregnant, I've had my fun."

"Pregnant with the ultimate Justin wannabe, Butters Stotch." Lizzy clicked the remote again, stopping to watch a bunch of women in the middle of a catfight on TV. "That baby is going to be downright evil."

"Best hold your tongue if you intend to keep it." Henrietta hissed lowly, "Butters and I hold a very fruitful relationship that none of you conformists would understand. It's like, desolate and yet hopeful and-"

"Whatever," Tammy scooted off the couch and onto her bottom, landing beside me. She counted off on her fingers. "I'm not getting any, Lizzy isn't getting any, Henrietta did… Ah! That leaves one person…"

Her voice was loud in my ears, radiating in my eardrums. I could feel my hands start to shake. I was very skittish to loud noises. Gun-shy. The loudest peep could send me into a jittering mess!

And Tammy wasn't getting any? Any what? Food? Fun? Water? I didn't understand the lingo. It was very complex and it didn't help that I wasn't very hip-and-with-it either.

"Rebecca!"

My shaking had turned into fully fledged jitters and with it my laptop. It went fumbling off my lap as Tammy crawled her way up to me, her eyes glinting with perverseness. In a last resort, I made myself smaller, curling away. Maybe if I played dead she would go away? "U-uh… Yes?"

"You gotta be getting something, Becks. You are a geek's fantasy for crying out loud!" She crashed into my side, making me hide myself in my hands. "Someone has to be tapping that!"

My eyes peeked out from my fingers as I tilted my head with curiosity. Tapping? Like when you're bored and you tap your fingers on a desk? Or you tap a hammer on a nail? Lingo… "Define that."

"You know, like fucking." She made a 'o' shape with one hand and extended her pointer with the other, poking inside with a devilish smile.

"Define… _that_." I said, completely clueless but yet curious.

Lizzy grunted from the couch, slapping the channel changer on Tammy's back quite roughly. "Rebecca's too sheltered to understand slang, rug muncher. Try using technical terms like, 'coitus' or 'mating'."

I tilted my head again, bringing a finger to my lip. "I don't u-understand."

"This woman is so infuriating!" Tammy gritted her teeth, "Do you at least have a boyfriend?"

The thoughts of the blonde came back to me and my cheeks heated again. I bit my lips and I started to clap my hands together. "Depends, I guess. I'm… kinda dating someone."

The three moved closer and I just wanted to disappear. "Who?"

"…Tweek Tweak."

"The coffee guy that hangs around that hunk Craig?" Tammy blinked, almost impressed about the blonde. Everyone knew Tweek from his constant shrieking and hair tugging. "Well, are you doing it? Are you sampling his coffee creamer or are you getting the whole coffee pot?"

Doing it… Sampling… Whole pot? What could that mean? Well, my parents say that kissing is off-limits but so are boys. I put two and two together. "Yeah, we kiss all the time."

"Kissing? Jesus fucking Christ-"

"Don't you know?" Henrietta purred in that dark tone of hers, clicking her tongue. "Kissing can get you pregnant."

Wait… wait… Kissing? The act of pressing lips together? Kissing can make someone pregnant?! A shiver ran up my spine and my gut dropped. Oh no… no, that can't be true! I gave Lizzy a panicked look, trying to find some kind of guidance in the matter.

"Yeah! That weird taste when you rub tongues… that's sperm. And it gets you pregnant like… automatically," Lizzy explained with a coy smile. "That's how Henri here got pregnant."

I shrieked, patting my hands together quicker and much more louder. Almost as if I was clapping to congratulate a performance. "Oh my gosh, re-really?! Th-that can't be true! C-a-n-n-o-t!"

"Rubbing tongues is dangerous," Henrietta gestured to her swollen stomach. "I should know."

The girl in the pink parka nodded in agreement. "It's powerful shit. Just a hint of that sperm-saliva and you'll be poppin' out babies in no time."

My head kept craning to the two women. This was an absolute nightmare!

Henrietta asked, humming softly. "Do you feel queasy? By chance are your legs trembling, is your voice quivery and your stomach dropping?"

I felt all those things! I could hardly contain myself as I shouted. "I do! _I do_!"

"Congratulations! You're pregnant!" Tammy chimed in happily.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't even a few days later when I was starting to feel pregnant. My stomach was bloated, my breasts were aching. I turned again in the bathroom mirror, poking at my abdomen. I was already starting to show symptoms… And Tweek and I have kissed for so long…. Who knows how far along I was!

Those jellyfish were turning sour, shocking my guts and making me feel awful.

To quote Tweek, this was way too much pressure.

Speaking of the blonde, when I broke the news to him, he was on the verge of a mental break down. He kept coming over to my house nearly every night, talking to me on my steps. Like Romeo and Juliet. And just like Romeo and Juliet, my parents were getting suspicious that something had been going on between us, more so. I didn't need that on my plate.

And on top of it all, I started to get morning sickness. Badly.

I rushed over to the toilet bowl. My mouth was overflowing with saliva and my tongue began to swell. I could feel it rise but drop back into my stomach. I let out another weak moan, wilting onto my ankles.

It was a good day to discuss things more thoroughly with Tweek. Mother, father and even Mark would be out. Mother and father would be out to the planetarium and Mark would be visiting his Mormon friend.

I invited Tweek over but… I was hoping I could reach the door without vomiting.

I always tried to seem like I knew everything and I know almost nothing. Common sense and even the simplest things… I didn't even know how people got pregnant. How sheltered of me! My parents were right the whole time, playing with fire and you'll eventually get burned.

But I didn't understand it… On many occasions I saw Tammy practically swallow Kenny's tongue. Never did I see Lizzy and Kevin or Henrietta and Butters kiss, but they had to be too! How could I hit the bull's-eye so easily? It wasn't fair!

Maybe they were using con-doms?

"Rebecca, I see you are not feeling the best today," Someone spoke behind me. "Are you alright?"

I shrieked at the sheer terror of it being mother or father. I had to come up with an excuse… I-I 'm pregnant! No! That was what I _am! _Excuse… I needed to come up with an excuse that wasn't the truth! My brain was working overtime and my usual witty self was drowned out in worries.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mark, standing above me, confused as ever. "N-No, unfortunately. I… I don't."

Mark was the epitome perfect. Class, regency with a hint of social awkwardness. But he was different from me. He didn't have to try to be better. He was better. Mark was the perfect child…

And I was always the one dragging behind. The failure.

I rested my head on the cool rim of the seat, feeling sick climb in my throat just to drop into my stomach… Like someone squeezing a juice box for fun… Juice threatening to spew out from the straw. Ugh, just the metaphor alone made me sick.

"What is plaguing you? Is it something you ate? Is it the flu?"

His questions hit me one after another. My head was pounding and Mark made it even worse. "…No, no. I-It's complicated."

"Is… is it a-" his voice strained. "A boy issue?"

Shit! I scolded myself. Was I that transparent? Well, a lie would help me out but the lie wouldn't come to me. I kept staring into the toilet bowl water with a frown, trying to swallow back sick.

"I believe so…" I was silent for a moment, letting out a meek whimper. "Don't tell mother or father, please."

Mark was quiet for a long time. He kept his eye on me and I could start to feel a hole burning in the back of my head. What was I supposed to say? What could I say? I had to take responsibility for my actions. I did this to myself. Me and me alone... And Tweek… and his sperm-saliva but I was taking responsibility.

"They're going to find out eventually Rebecca. What do you want, or rather, what do you need at a time like this?"

I croaked, not even wanting to look at him out of shame. I was a failure and now Mark knew it too. "Could you… g-get me some pregnancy tests from the local pharmacy? T-e-s-t."

"Y-yeah, I'll head out right now. Rest Rebecca," I flinched as a gentle hand rubbed my shoulder soothingly. "Everything will be okay in the end. Everything always works itself out."

And with that, I could hear Mark's footsteps trail off from the tile of the bathroom and down the stairs. But, I could barely hear any of it over my pounding heart. I kept thinking about my future and my plans. What was I going to do? What would I do for work? What about college? It's all so overwhelming.

I couldn't even think of intimacy at a time like this. Everything that made me feel happy and flighty made me feel disgusted and queasy. To face facts… I was a slut. I was no better than the average hooker kissing men!

After a few short minutes of beating myself up, I could hear my doorbell and extremely loud knocking on my front door- all simultaneous mind you.

With small steady steps, I trekked down the stairs and to the door, opening it just to be yanked into a tight hug. "I'm going to be a dad?! Oh Jesus Christ!" Tweek swiped me up like I was a rag doll, squeezing me tight and twisting me all around. "I-I didn't mean to! This is way too much pressure!"

I was set down just for me to grab onto him, swallowing back bile that tickled my throat. I clutched the front of his green button up shirt, digging my face into it. Ugh, it smelled like coffee too. The smell was intense and made me feel as green as his shirt.

"I didn't know kissing did that," Tweek twitched, grinding his teeth together. "I'll pay child support! I'll help out anyway I can… I guess? I don't know! Can't you get an abortion?!"

My eyes widened at the mere thought of an abortion. How humiliating and… murderous.

The blonde grabbed my hand, yanking me towards the stairs. "I-I'll get the wire hanger and you can untwist it and we can figure it out together," He said rather panicked, "And, uh, we'll be fine!"

"The only thing you're going to do with that wire hanger is hang up my coat!"My eyebrows furrowed and I held my forehead, trying to concentrate on the floor rather than the overwhelming smells of coffee and fabric softener. "I want to keep it. I-I can't bring myself to do that."

"Ngh, I know. I'm sorry. I-I'm just in one of my moods."

Bile was slowly making its way into my mouth. I had to sprint to the couch and to sit down for it to stop. I got myself all worked up while Tweek just watched me like an owl, ambling to my side cautiously.

"Will you stay with me, Tweek? Help me with a baby? My family might not be there. I might get kicked out. I need someone."

"I-I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. I'm still living with my parents. I got nothing saved up. I have to pay off my car payments and-"

I hid my face in my knees. Henrietta and Lizzy had to enlighten me about kissing. I could have lived in blissful ignorance and call it a virgin birth when the baby did arrive. But no, Rebecca Cotswolds had to be naïve.

"But… I know how you must feel." Tweek knelt in front of me, resting his forehead on mine. "I-I guess we can do it together."

Tweek was going to help me? Really? Truly? Honestly? I felt better. I didn't feel like puking anymore. I was still sort of nervous but Tweek was going to be there by my side. I wasn't going to be alone. At least someone would be there to-

"So, you're the one who did this." I heard the door slam shut. I darted up in fright. Mark was holding a plastic bag, his eyes darting from me to Tweek.

I could see the sheer panic in Tweek's eyes. And like a frightened deer, he darted past me. Where would he run? Mark grabbed him up and slammed the much taller man against the wall. "You got my sister pregnant?" he barked into his face.

"Agh, I-I didn't mean too!"

That wasn't a good response in the least. In that retrospect, Tweek and I were the same. Mark growled, his teeth flashing menacingly.

I brought myself to my feet, wobbling up to him, pulling back on his shoulders. "I didn't mean to kiss him… but I really like him and we-"

With his hands still gripping his collar, Mark craned his head to me. At first he was completely confused and then he was… uhm, still confused. "…Kissing? Kissing?! You cannot, repeat, cannot get pregnant from kissing. Ever."

"But his sperm got in my mouth." I grimaced.

Suddenly, Mark's grip intensified on Tweek and in turn, he shrieked. "You _what_?!"

I pleaded, yanking on my brother's shoulders. I was almost in tears. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me. I would be a failure and I would be selfish! "I didn't know that guys have sperm-saliva or I never would have ever done that!"

"Sperm… what? Who the hell told you that?"

"Lizzy, Tammy and Henrietta said-"

Mark interrupted me. "Mother and father forbade you from seeing them. And for good reason. I'm telling you right now, you can't get pregnant unless you two have sex. Have you?"

Tweek and I exchanged clueless expressions.

"Mother and father should have allowed you take sexual education." Mark released Tweek and the blonde flew into my side, peeking at my brother like a poor, abused puppy.

"So, kissing won't make her pregnant?" Tweek asked timidly.

My brother was obviously losing his patience… Especially with Tweek. He began to shout, "How old are you? You should know this. You were in public school for Christ's sake! You cannot get pregnant from kissing! _EVER_."

Both Tweek and I took in a collective sigh of relief.

"Ngh, so much pressure." Tweek exhaled noisily, his eyes leading back to mine. I could only smile and squeak in glee. I wrapped myself around his neck and jumped into his arms. It was as if I won the library! Oh my, it felt like it! He grabbed me up as held him tightly, nearly strangling the poor man.

I landed a few wet kisses on his mouth, "Kiss me? K-i-s-s."

"Rebecca, control yourself! Tweek, leave and never come back to this household!" Mark bleated, "And I will be informing mother and father about this."

"Fine," I grasped a still shell-shocked Tweek, yanking him along with me. "Tweeky? Why don't we get out of here and get a coffee? Maybe go out by the anxiety meeting building and do what we do best?"

He perked up, "Coffee?" And with that, he snatched me up and drug me out of my house in sprint as my brother's angry yells followed us out.

I like thinking about intimacy.

I'm not a slut or anything but I enjoy contact of other people. That type of closeness that you can share with anyone but… you want to share with a certain someone.

My certain someone was Tweek.

Also, I was going to wring Henrietta, Lizzy and Tammy's neck for playing such a cruel joke!


End file.
